There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn’t even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor.
After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help.
“Doctor,” she said, “I have a very bad gas problem.” “A gas problem?” replied the doctor. “Yes. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh… silent gas emissions. Last night I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you’ve got to help me! What can we do?”
“Well,” said the doctor thoughtfully, “I think the first thing we’re going to do is give you a hearing test.”
Tags: humor, timewaster, awesome, joke, laugh, bored, funny
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We came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so we thought we’d pass it on. The article suggested doing it three days a week.
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks. Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.
Tags: awesome, haha, fun, joke, funread, allcrazy jokes, interesting
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On their 25th anniversary, a husband took his wife to dinner. Their teenage daughters said they’d have dessert waiting for them when they returned. After returning home, the couple saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles. There was a note that read: “Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn’t do!”
“I suppose,” the husband responded, “we could vacuum .
Tags: comedy, awesome, silly, fun, amazing, haha, laugh
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There once was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief Samurai. So he put up posters throughout the land saying he was searching for a new chief Samurai. But after 2 months, only 3 Samurai applied for the job, a Japanese, a Chinese, and Morris. So he interviewed all three.
The emperor first asked the Japanese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Japanese opened a little silver box and out flew a little fly. Whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in two pieces. The emperor was impressed.
The emperor then asked the Chinese to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Chinese opened a small pearl box and out flew a smaller fly. Whoosh, whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in four pieces. The emperor was very impressed.
Then the emperor asked Morris to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. Morris opened a small gold box and out flew a wasp. Whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whooooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh went Morris’s sword, but the wasp was still alive and buzzing around the emperor.
The emperor was very disappointed and asked Morris, “After all your sword play, why is the wasp not dead?”
Morris replied, “A circumcision is never intended to kill.”
Tags: laugh, best, silly, allcrazy jokes, cool, comedy, interesting
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A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial–a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?”
She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he,too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.”
At this point the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!”
Tags: awesome, silly, haha, cool, comedy, allcrazy, best
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